I though that i'm ok...

salam...
may Allah bless all of us..
dunia n akhirat iA..

urm.. another 87days iA..
just about 2 month plus minus all the cuti, maen2, jalan2 days..

dr ckp xyah r cuti raya korban.. nnti korg yg t'korban.. haha..
sgt x lawak..

sgt mnakutkan nk lalui bnda yg sama skali lg..
i though that i'm ok.. just seminggu dua sedih, nangis2..
then i though that i'm ok...

the 1st 3 months went smoothly..
xder mimpi apa2 mlm2..
xder mslh nk tido..
ltk kpala kat bntl trus lelap..

msk bln keempat sumer bnda rasa x kena..
rasa nk nangis tp x ley nangis..
mlm2 mmpi mcm2..
pusing2 golek2 sejam baru bley tido... pikir mcm2..

don't know if the 1st 3 months is just denial stage..
n skrg baru msk acceptance stage..
wallahualam...

am i'm ok??
i don't know myself..

it's ok not to be ok i guess...

at least i'm aware that i need to do something..
need to push myself harder..
this anxiety won't go away i guess..
just need to do my best...
n growing stronger day by days..

not much time left..
cannot bazirkan perca2 masa yg ada..

wish me luck.. coz i really need it right now..
coz i think i've used up all of my luck from 1st till 5th year..
lucky to be at this state right now..

owh Allah
make me catch up all of the things that i need
to be the best doctor iA..
salam..

last chapter point two

salam..
one month have gone..
another month coming very very acute, sudden, abruptly..

after this one month I realize that i would never study enough..
d learning  process are so so so endless..

there r so many things to do..
so many things to cover..
it's like d time are never enough..

well.. i've always enjoy studying..
but i think i enjoy it best now..

listening to d same question again n again..
n it's like we know we have heard d answers before..
had been really understanding the concept..
but then..
"what is it again??? "

haha...

well i think i enjoy to much about the minor2 thingy thing..
and forget about thing that i should be focusing or memorizing or understand..

that's life..
if we r only focusing in our own dunya.. our own happiness.. our own feeling, satisfaction..
time, money, or whatever we have.... won't ever be enough for us..


ramadhan is approching..
well i'm glad that i'll enjoy my ramadhan here iA..
maybe i would only waste my ramadhan if i were to be at home now..
just maybe..
well... He knows best!!

from dato amin, i've learn that i'll never be perfect..
but i can be better.. with practice iA..
huhu... have always been hearing that, but it never hit me so much as this time..
since then, when i heard d word 'perfect' i would think of him.. think of this.. think of that moment..
how powerful some words are..
we don't know how much it would effect somebody.. at what moment...
power of murobbi right?
well.. he is one of my murobbi now.. <3
n of coz... it's all are words from Allah.. sent through anyone that He want..


it's lovely..
this life..
tq Allah for Ur gift..

i think that i've been bless with everything..
can't ever count them...

but i'm still so inadequate...
i should be much much much more better..
there r so many rooms for improvement..
n a really short life do we have...

really needs to stay focus n do what really means..
what will i do best now?
is it ok to do that?
would it be beneficial?


they said that all ur friend will leave u..
only ur family r there to support u..

well.. nobody are always there..
even our family..
everyone have their own life to worry about..

so just stick to anyone that u have at this moment..
be more durable.. not easily break..
more elastic.. can change easily..
never have any boundaries... widen ur teritory.... haha...

u will be fine..
coz there will always be someone when u need it,,
n of coz He would always be there...
n He's d best...
u just need to feel Him....
dear me... please stay strong k..
He loves u..
He loves u most!

salam.... 9/6/2015.. 8 days prior ramadhan iA...

New chapter of my life...

Salam…

New chapter of my life begin..

This date.. 23/4/2015.. it’s one of the turning points of my life..

I know this is the best for me..

So I won’t complaint much..

I can’t even complaint right..

It’s a beginning of a new chapter..

As prof suzanna said it’s d last chapter..

Won’t u finish it??

Whatever u want to become after this… it’s up to you..

Whatever.. not necessary to b a doctor..

U can become anything else..

Just end this chapter..

N all of u can start a new book..

This last chapter of my life..

I hope that it’s the last..

Definitely I don’t want to extend another year..

I’m not too young for that..

I really67556 hope that He give me strength..

His strength… coz I don’t have any right now..

Nil..

It’s ironic…

Before this I would always pray that I would really really really need to pass this..

 But after d very234 bad long case I’m just hoping that

“ U know d best for me right… so give me whatever..”

It’s like…

I don’t know..

Like I know that I’m not ready for this..

To be a good doctor..

I think I won’t survive if I were being put alone with patient..

In sabah or srwk or anywhere else that there would not be enough doctor to monitor me..

That’s why I would choose to work at HKL..

Coz whatever mistake that I might do… I have a very4857 strong back up..

Haha… it’s a cruel thing to do xtually..

But I can’t help it… feeling this way..

But we would just see if I would be another me in this 6 months…

If I would be trusting myself..

If I would want me to treat me..

this is...

a new chapter of my life...

start!

study keranaNya

salam..
smoga dlm redha Allah sntiasa..
smpai syurga iA <3

iA.. mgg dpn exam final 3rd year iA.... mohon doanya.. <3 hu2..
kene bayangkan Rasulullah tgh duk sebelah..
tunggu sy study..
bila da ngantuk Rasulullah pujuk..
bangunla... study..
ckp stdy utk Allah..
x kan fragile sgt..
utk Allah msti cuba sebaek mungkin..
sehabis daya...
sekuat usaha!!!

yup2.. bangun2..
try to do my best..
bayangkan Rasulullah duk sebelah bg kata2 smgt..
bygkan Allah sdg t'senyum memandang mujahadah nieh..
keh2.. battle sepele (kecik) niey pown kecoh..
hu2.. setiap org ada bnda yg bg dia susah..
yg perlu mujahadah..

ada org kene paksa diri dia baca bahan2 tarbiyah..
ada org kene paksa diri dia baca quran
ada org kene pksa diri wat solat sunat..
ada org kene pksa diri hapal quran..

n sbgainya

n sy.. kne pksa diri utk study.. wahhaha..
mujahadah paling berat skrg nieh..
slalu t'attract ngan benda laen.. fb.. lagu.. katil yg empuk.. kih2..

ya Allah.. kuatkan aku!! menghadapi exam seminggu nanti <3
smoga apa yg aku dah usahakan.. akn usahakan... dlm redhaMu..

sengaja Allah bg ank2 cuti time nieh..
so bley stdy lebih masa..
he3..
sgaja Allah bg pendaftaran undi sy x dluluskan...
bley stdy lebih dr org laen...
keh3.. sgala rncg Allah yg t'baek bukan??
alhamdulillah...
betapa sgt byk peluang Allah bg..
so.. try hard NUR!!!
study utk Allah...
stdy utk islam... <3
sucikan niat..
so.. x lay r sbb nk stdy solat da x diawl wktu..
da kurang ngaji..
da kurang mathurat, zikir.. dari baca mathurat qubra jdik sughra..
dari sughra 3kali2.. jadik baca skali je..

okeh <3
iA...
mg Allah redha <3

4 jam bersama ank2 di labour room..

salam...
smoga kita smua brada dlm redha Allah sntiasa.. slamanya.. ameen..

alhamdulillah..
dah abes posting 4/5 utk year 3 niey..
posting O&G...

posting paling mnarik stkt niey sbb baru betul2 tgk cammane dr/nurse berkerja..
sblm niey just msk ward, clerk patient, bljr sket2 management ngan dr.. ikowt wardround, cek2 patient sket...
tp skrg bley pegang baby, lap2 baby, cuci rambut, pakaikan pempers.. baru bljr bendung baby.. keh2..
pastu tgk mama bersalin, tgk mama2 tu menjerit, nangis, kesakitan, kne jahit, msk bilik bedah...
menarik r.... posting niey...

so.. sbb tu ajk ank2 1st year dtg tgk labour.. sbb salah seorg ank b'cita2 nak jdik pakar sakit puan.. iA.. ameen..

sgt byk r ibrah dsebalik labour room..
so usrah kitorg bertiga mlm tu dlm labour room.. (sbb ank2 2nd year cuti.. hu2)
naseb baek dr2 n nurse dlm mood yg baek.. sbb x busy sgt mlm tu..
kitorg smpai labour room dlm pkol 9mlm.. up until 1 pagi.. keh2.. smgt ank2...
alhamdulillah..
byk gak r dr n nurse niey ajar kitorg..
sy pown masih byk lg x tau walau da abes O&G.. keh2..
nanti year 5 masuk balik.. iA.. can't wait smbut ank, jahit mak2.. ho2..

okeh2.. berbalik pd ibrah yer..
sesungguhnya Allah tu maha kuasa..
bermula ngan ovum n sperm bertemu lagi...
spatutnya.. kalo ikowt sistem pertahanan badan kita secara semulajadinya badan kita akn cuba menyingkirkan benda asing.. benda2 yg slain sel badan kita.. so by right body kita akn reject sperm..
tp wallahualam.. smpai skrg pown saintis2 x jmpe lg sbb knapa body kita x reject sperm niey...
n knape x reject baby niey.. mcm ada protective mechanism disekeliling baby niey yg ckp kat sel2 pertahanan tubuh kita.. "wei, aku budak baek.. jgn bunuh aku.."

tp... yg cantiknyer... bila body kita dpt detact baby niey ada mslh2 yg sgt serius.. baby niey akn direject makanya keguguran berlaku.... protective mechanism disekeliling baby niey pown ilang.. tu yg sel2 bdn kita serang baby niey...
keh2.. rasa plek plap guna bahasa melayu bahasa 1 malaysia nieh..

huh... maha kuasanya Allah... Allah x gugurkan baby tu sia2...
yg gugur tu mesti sbb ada mslh...
kalo x lg byk r penyakit kat dunia niey.. byk lg kita x jmpe sbnrnyer...
just sbb Allah tau kita mmg x kan mampu rawat sakit2 niey sekarang makanya Allah x munculkan lg...
sbb tu makin hebat generasi tu makin byk penyakit kan?? keh2..
dtambah jugak ngan kedegilan kita utk jaga mkn...
sbb mmg Rasulullah ckp.. pnykt tu asal dari perut...
means.. dari apa yg kita makan..
oleh krana mknn2 x berkhasiat niey sedap, murah n cepat so of coz lah semua memilih utk makan penyakit... makan utk dpt pnykt.. keh2.. same je ngan saya... bila nak start jaga mkn niey nur??

n then... nutrition..
soalan exam sy aritu.. knapa penting sgt nutrition mama time ngandung?
sbb mama yg sy clerk tu lost 4kg dlm 5 bln mengandung.. mama2 sekalian tolong lah jgn diet time ngandung erp... makan secukopnyer.. 2000 calori kalo x silap... (dietrition tolong!!1 keh2.. )jgn berlebihan plap tau...

tp biasa r kan.. time ngandung niey ilang slera makn.. tp please mkn jgk... for the sake of the baby! lapar baby tu... dia x lay ckp... tu yg baby dia just 2.4kg lps lahir walau berat mama naek from 56 to 80kg dari bln 5-9... hurm... time awl2 tu pown penting tau mama utk makan!!

sbb mama yg sy clerk tu kadang2 x mkn langsung dlm sehari tu.. just mnum air mineral 2 botol kecik sehari.. knape niey mama?? kalo x larat mkn pown amik r bubur ke, oat ke.. chocolate drink ke... air mineral x der kalori langsung..

so.. time ngandung.. x lay pentingkan diri je.. kne pikir ank kat dlm tu.. dia nak membesar sihat gak..
so mcm kita.. mama2 yg da bw usrah niey... jgn pentingkan diri sndrik je.. pikir ank2 tu.. kalo kita layan mood kita je.. futur kita je... malas kita je... kesian ank2 x ckop nutrition... x dpt supply hamasah utk trus bergerak... dorg baru nak bljr merangkak.. kalo mama2 niey x tolong support.. bg kata2 smgt, be there bila dorg perlukan.. siapa lg dorg nak harapkan.. so wake up mama.. x selera pown mkn jgk! tgh down pown bangun jgk! malas nak baca buku pown baca jgk! paksa diri telan.. kalo x paksa diri utk suka apa yg kita perlu suka pada waktu yg kita x suka susah r untuk bangkit balik... mcm time nak exam.. tp time tu r tetiba mood malas dtg.. tp kita paksa jgk diri kita bljr.. knapa? sbb exam time tu je.. kalo kita study hard giler selepas exam pown x der maknenyer... x kan mampu ubah result exam kita yg sblm tu...

dgn bersama ank2.. kita akn nmpk btapa byk lg kerja kita nak wat... jom lahirkan ank2 yg sihat yg bley bantu memanjangkan aml kita slps kita mati... lahirkan zuriat yg mampu melahirkan zuriat lagi..

n then time bersalin... perlukan 3 benda... power, passage n passenger! 3P..
power.. from the mother... mama kene teran kuat2.. 1st time sy tgk mama bersalin mmg merah r muka mama yg x putih sgt tu... sgt merah.. blushing.. cantek giler!
then yg kedua, passage.. kne clearkan sumer najis n air kencing mama... kalo mama constipate kne mskkan ubt... n paling penting laluan tu kene secukupnya muat utk baby lalu.. kalo tau baby besar or tulang punggung mama tu kecik mmg kene c-section... kne bedah r..
then ketiga passengger... baby.. baby sgt pending utk keluarkan hormone bagi mama rasa nak teran... kalo baby kurang sihat, muscle dia x ok ke... susah r dia nak gerakkan, tolakkan bdn dia dlm ruangan yg sempit giler tu.. kalo baby tu da mati dlm perut mmg ssh nak kluarkan.. coz da kurang 1 faktor utk baby niey kuar.. passenger bermasaalah..

so dmana peranan dr?? keh2.. smemangnya dr x bantu sgt pown.. sikit sgt kerja nurse n dr niey.. yg paling penting 3 benda td...

dr just bley ckp.. "ok mama, da cukop 10cm niey.. da boleh teran.. kalo rasa sakit teran panjang2 tau, curi2 nafas sket tp jgn brenti teran..."
or utk mama yg da ank 5,6 da boleh teran walau bukaan just 7-8 cm..
so.. dr just bley assist... ckp bila nak teran... bila kene stop teran... lps kpala baby da kuar kne stop teran kejap.. nak bg baby tu adapt ngan keadaan skeliling.. atmosfera baru.. hu2.. n nak cek tali pusat belit tengkuk dia x... then kne teran lagi sket... nak kluarkan bahu dia... then selesai.. alhamdulillah....

1st time tgk mama bersalin sy mmg menitiskan 2,3 biji air mata r.. tik, tik, tik.. he3..
time tu rasa masa berhenti seketika... senyap, sunyi...
bila dgr baby nangis... subhanallah.... Maha Kuasa nya Allah.. yg jadikan kita.. yg tiupkan roh kita... yg supply nutrition kpd kita sckopnya... yg memudahkan urusan kita keluar dari passage paling berbahaya didunia.. paling sempit... yg kalo silap sikit.. (baby niey ada 9 pergerakan utk dia buat baru bley kuar passage niey.. rotate2 r..) mmg byk masalah bley berlaku dlm millisecond..
n dr... kita sumer bukan apa2... Allah yg tolong wat sumer niey.. sumbangan kita kecik sgt.. so jgn nak kerek sgt ngan patient tau! dorg lg byk sumbangan dari kita...

subhanallah!! maha suci Allah yg x djadikan or dlahirkan or dciptakan sbgaimana makhluk yg laen.. kita manusia n haiwan2 yg laen kluar dari jalan yg sama.. yg sy igt kecuali ular.. kluar telur ikowt mulut.. wa... kalo baby sy kuar ikowt mulut x tau n nak wat cammane... x mkn seminggu r.. tunggu jahitan baek...

betapa hinanya kita sbgai makhluk... terjadi dari ovum n sperm yg sgt kecik giler tu... mcm mne r kita dpt membesar sebagaimana skrg erp?? keh2...
betapa hinanya kita sbgai makhluk... kita telan air kencing kita sndrik (amniotik fluid) time dlm kandungan... so kita dpt detact time dlm kandungan lg baby tu ada mslh buah pinggang ke, saluran makanan ke.. kalo amniotic fluid dia kurang or terlebih...
betapa hinanya kita sbgai makhluk... kdg2 kalo baby da terlebih bulan tu dia berak dlm perut n makan najis dia sndrik.. btapa x tahunyer kita mana baek, mana buruk.. telan je semua erp... btapa innocent nyer kita time tu.. tp skrg.. Allah da bg kita hati utk pikir pown kita x guna sebaeknya.. telan je smua kan... trima pemikiran org tanpa kita menilai sndrik... penting ke benda niey utk aku?? perlu ke aku buat semua niey??
betapa hinanya kita sbgai manusia... kluar dari bawah.. dari antara saluran kencing n najis... so jgn nak bangga diri!! sehebat mne pown kita skrg.. sedarlah.. kita just sepasang ovum n sperm yg sgt hina n x significant tanpa rahmat n kasih syg Allah yg menyebabkan kita terbentuk.. wallahualam...

salam syg~

exam owh exam!!!!

salam~
smoga smua brada dlm redha Allah sntiasa iA..


hu8.. 3 mgg stdy week.. best sgt.. hua8..
alhamdulillah...
Allah memperpanjangkan stdy week ktorg yg tlh di cut dari cuti mid sem ktorg aritu..
hu8.. patutlah cuti midsem just sminggu..
ada hikmah dsebaliknya wupenya.. he7.. alhamdulillah..


urm.. spnjg 2 mgg ni da byk revision class,
da byk soalan spot,
da sikit kedai makan bukak coz org laen cuti midsem..
he7.. org laen bru midsem ktorg da nak abes sem da..
alhamdulillah..
tp dgr citer medic u laen da final da.. da dpt result pown..
owh.. nmpknya uitm terlewat sdikit..
xper2.. iA ada hikmah jgk kan??
kerna apa?? 


bak kata ustaz salam dlm muqaddimah fi zilal.. 
ada 2 benda je yg kompem baek utk kita..
1st : benda yg da berlaku
2nd: benda yg Allah swuh buat..


urm..
btol2.. x kan r Allah nak bg benda yg x baek utk kita kan??
jahiliyyah2 kita masa lalu pown baek utk kita..
ada yg tahap severity nya level 6.. ada yg just level 1..
tp sesuai ngan tahap coping masing2..
Allah tentukan yg terbaek utk kita..


and apa yg Allah wajibkan...
of coz lah baek utk kita..
skrg mcm2 penemuan sains yg crita kelebihan solat,
kelebihan pkai tudung,
kelebihan puasa..
urm.. mcm2 sunnah sumer baek, dari segi sains apatah lg dr segi lumrah manusia..


kebetulan yg sgt indah.. (ops, dlm islam tiada kebetulan.. sgalanya da diaturkan oley yg Maha mengetahui)
dlm recording mukaddimah fi zilal jgk ada crita pasal exam..
btapa Maha Mengetahuinya Allah..
dia menetapkan sy dgr muqaddimah fi zilal ktika k.ain bg tugasan aplikasikan muqaddimah fi zilal dlm surah abasa n ketika musim exam.. he7..


ustz ckp..
bg org islam.. kalo dia percaya ngan qadar yg Allah da tetapkan..
dia x kan bersedih hati atas apa jua result yg akn dia kecapi jika dia telah berusaha hebat!!!


cnth.. lelaki A yg stdy 13 jam shari tp dpt result smua D akn lebih gmbira drpd prempuan B yg just stdy 2 jam tp dpt result smua A..


huh~ scara praktikalnya susah kan??
utk bersedih dgn result yg gempak 
n bergembira ngan result yg kurang memuaskan dimata manusia niey...


kita slalu gmbira bila x stdy sgt tp dpt result best berbanding da stdy hard tp x dpt result best pown..
kih3.. of coz sy jgk turut mengalaminya..
kdg2  rasa cam x stdy sgt, da la byk tembak time exam tetiba dpt B..
berbanding ngan suatu masa tuh da stdy hard x tido niey... tp dpt D je??
betapa Allah nak bgtau yg "qun faya qun"
kalo Allah ckp jadik, maka jadilah...


sungguh Allah maha kuasa ats tiap2 sesuatu...


kerna apa kita patut bergembira stelah brusaha??
sbb kita da dpt pahala ats usaha kita..
lelaki A tu dpt pahala utk 13 jam yg dia stdy,
n prempuan B tuh just dpt pahala utk 2 jam je lah..


knapa nak pahala???
coz pahala niey adalah anugerah yg berpanjangan dari Allah..
utk memberatkan penimbang amalan kebaikan kita di pdg masyar..
kalo A,B,C or D niey.. just valid ats dunia..
smentara wktu lak tuh..
ada ke org tanya lagi result UPSR kita cammane time kita nk msk kerja??
PMR..
penilaian2 akhir tahun stiap drjah n stiap tingkatan...
ada org hiraukan kalo kita pernah jdik best stdent time skolah rendah or menengah??
kih2.. smua tuh gne utk smntara wktu jah..


pnilaian akhir tahun gne utk naek kelas yg lg best,
UPSR utk mlayakkan kita gi skolah berasrama,
PMR kalo nak gi skolah yg lg best dari skolah asrama tuh.
SPM utk mlayakkan kita g obesi or uni or matrik or tgktn 6 or kerja kat kedai 7 eleven...


camtulah sterusnya n sterusnya..
penilaian manusia niey up too date..
penilaian Allah...
Allah amek kira dari kita kecik.... pernah buli org x? dgr ckp mak ayh x?
remaja... isap rokok x?? pernah couple x??
dewasa... wat korupsi x?? baek ngan mak ayh x??
n slamanya.. kalo idop 1000 tahun, 1000 tahun lah Allah cek, teliti, 1 per 1 amalan kita x kira sebesar atom atau sekecik electron dlm atom tuh...


takowt x??
hu8.. seram kan??
x tau r kene tunggu brape tahun utk cek seminit kehidupan kita kat dunia...
stiap mili saat, stiap kata2 hati kita, smua dicatat oleh cctv Allah yg 7D.. mampu menembusi hati..


so~exam Allah lebih menakutkan bukan??
so, x kan lah kita mampu meninggalkan sgala suruhan Allah yg wajib n yg sunat yg slalu kita amalkan just utk exam dunia yg penilainnya hanya sementara niey..


kesimpulannya..
stdy kerna Allah.. dpt pahala yg lg bermakna dr result yg bakal kita dpt..
jom2.. stdy hard..
doakan ktorg..
8th batch medic uitm smua lulus ngan cmerlang dlm pro niey.. iA
agr ktorg bley sme2 msk clinical years...
agr sy dpt kreta..he6..
ameen...


salam~ aman...