Wednesday, August 26, 2015

I though that i'm ok...

salam...
may Allah bless all of us..
dunia n akhirat iA..

urm.. another 87days iA..
just about 2 month plus minus all the cuti, maen2, jalan2 days..

dr ckp xyah r cuti raya korban.. nnti korg yg t'korban.. haha..
sgt x lawak..

sgt mnakutkan nk lalui bnda yg sama skali lg..
i though that i'm ok.. just seminggu dua sedih, nangis2..
then i though that i'm ok...

the 1st 3 months went smoothly..
xder mimpi apa2 mlm2..
xder mslh nk tido..
ltk kpala kat bntl trus lelap..

msk bln keempat sumer bnda rasa x kena..
rasa nk nangis tp x ley nangis..
mlm2 mmpi mcm2..
pusing2 golek2 sejam baru bley tido... pikir mcm2..

don't know if the 1st 3 months is just denial stage..
n skrg baru msk acceptance stage..
wallahualam...

am i'm ok??
i don't know myself..

it's ok not to be ok i guess...

at least i'm aware that i need to do something..
need to push myself harder..
this anxiety won't go away i guess..
just need to do my best...
n growing stronger day by days..

not much time left..
cannot bazirkan perca2 masa yg ada..

wish me luck.. coz i really need it right now..
coz i think i've used up all of my luck from 1st till 5th year..
lucky to be at this state right now..

owh Allah
make me catch up all of the things that i need
to be the best doctor iA..
salam..

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

last chapter point two

salam..
one month have gone..
another month coming very very acute, sudden, abruptly..

after this one month I realize that i would never study enough..
d learning  process are so so so endless..

there r so many things to do..
so many things to cover..
it's like d time are never enough..

well.. i've always enjoy studying..
but i think i enjoy it best now..

listening to d same question again n again..
n it's like we know we have heard d answers before..
had been really understanding the concept..
but then..
"what is it again??? "

haha...

well i think i enjoy to much about the minor2 thingy thing..
and forget about thing that i should be focusing or memorizing or understand..

that's life..
if we r only focusing in our own dunya.. our own happiness.. our own feeling, satisfaction..
time, money, or whatever we have.... won't ever be enough for us..


ramadhan is approching..
well i'm glad that i'll enjoy my ramadhan here iA..
maybe i would only waste my ramadhan if i were to be at home now..
just maybe..
well... He knows best!!

from dato amin, i've learn that i'll never be perfect..
but i can be better.. with practice iA..
huhu... have always been hearing that, but it never hit me so much as this time..
since then, when i heard d word 'perfect' i would think of him.. think of this.. think of that moment..
how powerful some words are..
we don't know how much it would effect somebody.. at what moment...
power of murobbi right?
well.. he is one of my murobbi now.. <3
n of coz... it's all are words from Allah.. sent through anyone that He want..


it's lovely..
this life..
tq Allah for Ur gift..

i think that i've been bless with everything..
can't ever count them...

but i'm still so inadequate...
i should be much much much more better..
there r so many rooms for improvement..
n a really short life do we have...

really needs to stay focus n do what really means..
what will i do best now?
is it ok to do that?
would it be beneficial?


they said that all ur friend will leave u..
only ur family r there to support u..

well.. nobody are always there..
even our family..
everyone have their own life to worry about..

so just stick to anyone that u have at this moment..
be more durable.. not easily break..
more elastic.. can change easily..
never have any boundaries... widen ur teritory.... haha...

u will be fine..
coz there will always be someone when u need it,,
n of coz He would always be there...
n He's d best...
u just need to feel Him....
dear me... please stay strong k..
He loves u..
He loves u most!

salam.... 9/6/2015.. 8 days prior ramadhan iA...

Thursday, April 23, 2015

New chapter of my life...

Salam…
New chapter of my life begin..
This date.. 23/4/2015.. it’s one of the turning points of my life..
I know this is the best for me..
So I won’t complaint much..
I can’t even complaint right..

It’s a beginning of a new chapter..
As prof suzanna said it’s d last chapter..
Won’t u finish it??
Whatever u want to become after this… it’s up to you..
Whatever.. not necessary to b a doctor..
U can become anything else..

Just end this chapter..
N all of u can start a new book..

This last chapter of my life..
I hope that it’s the last..
Definitely I don’t want to extend another year..
I’m not too young for that..

I really67556 hope that He give me strength..
His strength… coz I don’t have any right now..
Nil..

It’s ironic…
Before this I would always pray that I would really really really need to pass this..

 But after d very234 bad long case I’m just hoping that
“ U know d best for me right… so give me whatever..”

It’s like…
I don’t know..
Like I know that I’m not ready for this..
To be a good doctor..

I think I won’t survive if I were being put alone with patient..
In sabah or srwk or anywhere else that there would not be enough doctor to monitor me..
That’s why I would choose to work at HKL..
Coz whatever mistake that I might do… I have a very4857 strong back up..
Haha… it’s a cruel thing to do xtually..
But I can’t help it… feeling this way..

But we would just see if I would be another me in this 6 months…
If I would be trusting myself..

If I would want me to treat me..

this is...
a new chapter of my life...
start!

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

2nd month with ank2...

Salam syg.... 
2nd months… 
akk kira this is 2nd part of our usrah.. kalo sblm niey akk byk tknkn ttg mcm mne kte patut treat Allah.. 
by takut, cinta, harap n syukur… 
2nd part akk bw pd percaya.. 
urm.. lebih pd rukun imn.... 
b’iman pd Allah, rasul n kitab.. 

knpa akk just stresskan 3 je stkt niey.... 
sbb ikowt hadis rasulullah yg ‘kalo kte ttp b’iman, b’amal ngan al-quran n sunnah iA kte x kan sst slama2nya iA’.. 
but sblm nk b’imn ngan quran n sunnah of coz kne b’iman ngan Allah dlu kan??

5th usrah.. 
akk bwkan surah al-kahfi:1-15… 
apa kaitan ngan kita?? 
Bagi akk sndrik pemuda2 kahfi niey is a lambang utk org2 yg brada dlm suasana yg sgt x best n sdg struggle utk p’tahankn islam n iman dia.. 
sgt kagum mcmmne dorg bley b’tahan ngan suasana yg sgt sulit.. 
ngan raja yg mngaku dia tuhan n bunuh semua org islam.. 
ngan semua org islam sorok2 pi usrah, pi daurah..
ngan melihat dpn mata org2 islam yg dibunuh sbb p'tahankan iman dorg...

Keimanan n takwa dorg sgt teguh smpai Allah nk address pd kita.. 
rakyat malaysia yg stkt niey masih mampu utk amalkan islam tp malas, culas.... 

Allah rakamkan kisah niey supaya kita hargai iman, islam yg kte take for granted sbb mak ayh nenek moyang kte mmg da islam…

Allah preserve surah niey dlm quran spaya walau kita diseksa mcm dorg nnti.. (mcm yg da b’laku kat most of ngara islam… mesir, syiria, palestin, myammar….) 
kte ttp tsabat… 
kte ttp tuguh dlm jln niey.. 
walau kte mati krananya..

Allah ceritakan balik pd kita sbb Allah nk tunjuk yg dorg niey org2 t’dahulu yg lebih hebat ujiannya n sbgai tnda kasih-sygNya Allah slmtkn dorg dr pemerintahan yg zalim n dorg dibangkitkan balik bila islam da menguasai negara…

Ngan kasih syg n rahmahNya… 
Allah tambahkan petunjuk diats petunjuk mereka yg sedia ada.. 
bg akk dorg tlh di address Allah as menifestasi cinta yg agung pd Nya...
knapa dorg yg t’pilih?? 
Coz Allah sntiasa memilih hamba2nya yg paling b’takwa.. 
Allah sntiasa menapis.. 
xkan brenti.. 
smpai nyawa kita habis..

That’s why.. 
do not be so secure.. 
qunfayakun.. 
bila Allah nk bolak balikkn hati.... bila2 masa je.. 

keep on pushing ourself to d limit n do not allow any misbehavior.. 
coz kte x tau dosa yg mne yg mnyebbkn Allah benci kita sbgaimana kt x tau amln mne yg mnybbkn Allah cinta pd kita..

Once kte b’paling menuju Allah dari kesesatan menuju kebenaran.. 
disaat tu juga Allah b’paling menuju kita ngan langkah yg lbih kencang dari kaki kita yg sgt x t’daya niey… love this phrase.. 
Allah b’paling menuju kita kowt…

6th usrah.. 
percaya pd rasul.. 
akk bwkan surah abasa.. 
surah abasa mngajar kte mcmmne nk b’adab ngan murabbi kte.. 
n mcm mne murabbi patut layan mutarobbi dia.. 

murabbi kte spnjg zmn is Allah n rasul of coz.. 
Allah sntiasa bg ujian yg b’beza utk mutarobbi dia.. 
our tarbiyah is specialist hanya utk kita sbgaimana thumb print kte, muka kita, perangai kita Allah da specialistkan utk just diri kita…

N murabbi kedua kita rasulullah.. 
mmg x abes baca buku2 yg ditulis ttg rasulullah.. 
scara t’perinci.. 
b’bnding rasul2 laen rasulullah niey... crita ttg rasuullah niey yg paling lengkap yg kita ada... 

walau dlm quran nabi musa yg paling byk Allah sbt.. 
dari kecik, remaja, dewasa.. sumer crita ada..

Tp crita rasulullah is the most reliable yg bley kte guna, d most lengkap yg kte bley jadikkn pnduan n d most suitable for our ummah… 
for this current time n forever iA…

Slain tu kte ada murabbi kecik kte yg sntiasa b’tukar2.. 
tp bg akk once a murabbi slamanya dia adlh murabbi akk.. 
sbgaimana once she’s my mutarobbi.. 
slmanya she’s my motarobbi.. 
walau dia wat slh setruk mne pown sy ttp pndg dia as knk2 yg masih bljr.. 
perlu bimbingan.. 
walau dia sbsr mne pown iA… 
so I could never see her as a bad person… iA..

7th usrah kte.. 
akk bwkn surah al-baqarah:1-16.. 
knpa al-baqarah.. 
sbb Allah da cop awl2 kat ayt dua tu kitab niey soheh benar.. 
so kne ikowt… 
so Allah mntk kte percaya pd quran…

Mcm kte p’caya bila da ada cop jakim dpn bungkusan bsr mamee tu.. 
kte da x sibuk2 cari cop kat setiap peket2 kecik… 

sbb da t’pampang sebesar alm kat front page.. 
so by right Allah x perlu nk stress kan dlm surah2 laen pown.. 
tp Allah ttp jgk ulang ulang ulang n ulang lg smpai kte rasa cam.. 
“urm, same jer bc quran niey.. asyik ulang2 je…” 
sbb walau ulang 10ribu kali pown kte x phm2.. 
kte x pikir2.. 
kte x buat2..

Allah bhagikn crita niey pd 3 part.. 
1-5 Allah crita ciri2 org b’iman.. 
6-7 Allah crita ttg org2 kafir.. 
8-20 Allah crita psl org munafik… 

bykkn kn psl org munafik?? 
Sbb yg b’iman tu jelas.. 
kafir pown jelas.. 
tp munafik niey mcm samar2 gitu.. 

smoga Allah jauhkn kita dr sifat2 niey.. 
n bantu kte utk ttp mlksanakn ciri2 org yg b’takwa tu… 
b’iman pd yg ghaib, solat, infaq, percaya pd kitab n hari akhirat… 

n org2 b’takwa niey Allah akn sntiasa pandu mereka.. 
tmbhkn petunjuk.. 
so cek balik.. 
stiap kali kte diuji adkh ujian tu mnmbhkn iman or sbaliknya?? 
So ujian tu bley jadik petunjuk from Allah or mmg musibah from Allah sbb kte nakal sgt!!!

That’s all for now.. 
just lama x mnulis.. 
walau da nk exam niey… 
urm.. moga sdkit sbyk bley refresh iman bila da down iA… 

akk bw korg x lama pown.. 
so I really do hope that u all can really gain something from me.. 
n really do learn a lot I from all of u.. 
directly n indirectly.. 

stiap kali nk usrah kne cari and download 4,5 video baru jmpe yg sesuai.. 
so byk giler video yg mnyentak, mengejutkan dari lena n mmksa diri kmbali pd reality.. 

akk pown byk maen2 lg sbnrnyer.. 
needs to soften d heart n let Allah tarbiyyah kita ngan cara yg Dia suka iA…


Salam syg.. 
doakan akk yg nk exam niey.. 
huhu.. cuak2… 
but Allah plans d best iA.. 
trust Him that He will give d best iA…

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Sebulan with beautiful girls..

Salam syg ank2.. 
urm.. akk crita ringkasan usrah kita sepanjang sebulan niey k.. haha.. spatutnya da 6 kali usrah tp oley krana akk cuti sminggu n korg exam sminggu jadik sebulan je r.. akk suka sebut perkenalan kita mengikut brpa byk usrah kita smpat buat iA.. luv u all.. walau x semua sempat hadir usrah.. but please I do hope that at least your soul was there.. stiap kali sblm akk start n sblm akk habis akk mmg doakan smoga walau apa yg korg tgh buat wktu tu smua dlm redha n p’lindungan Allah iA..

I do admit yg this usrah was very37478 berbeza ngan usrah yg akk pernah bw.. I know d challenge before bwk but bila da start bw that feeling makin jelas.. but of coz I do love all of you.. akk xder nk beza2kan ank2 akk.. sape x sayang ank kan? But when I just point to particular someone dlm usrah just because she was there all the time.. that’s is.. no hard feeling k.. n I want all of you to participate.. that’s why I’ll ask everybody.. n allow as many question that u want to ask.. of coz x smua akk mampu jwb.. but hati akk mmg b’bunga2 tiap2 kali korg tnyer soalan..

Huhu.. usrah akk bw sblm niey x der r sebanyak soalan sekarang xtually.. bagus2..  tp iA akk yakin ank2 sblm niey paham je kan apa yg akk ckp.. hehe.. confident je.. just ikowt norm kowt erp.. bila seseorg da mulakan budaya b’tanya tu then sumer nk tnyer soalan.. which is good.. sesiapa yg memulakan sunnah sesuatu bnda (meaning lps2 tu org ikowt perbuatan dia.. urm.. bnda baek je la k) dia akn dpt pahala yg sma ngan org yg ikowt dia lps tu.. meaning dia dpt pahala dia, kwn dia, kwn kpd kwn dia… n the next34759.. b’ganda2.. MLM.. beruntunglah org yg memulakn sesuatu amal kebajikan tu..

Kalo usrah2 akk sblm niey akk bw mcm MLM.. mtlmt utama usrah supaya ank bley b’gerak bw usrah.. kalo ank mmg da b’grk mtlmt utama utk didik ank2 mcm mne nk dptkan cucu lak.. huhu.. always the same cycle.. dpt ank then cucu then cicit then.... sambung r sndrik…

But now mtlmt akk of coz tetap pd dkwh.. tapi lebih pd dkwh from qudwah.. qudwah hasanah.. kita m’jadik contoh yg baek pd kawan2 kita iA.. akk pown dlm berusaha berubah lg.. thanks to u all I do learn many things...

So stiap kali usrah, akk nak korg grab something yg bley korg buat setiap hari without fail.. bley solat ke x ley ke.. something niey adalah something yg korg bley amalkan setiap masa, stiap hari.. iA… so let’s begin…

Main point yg akk ulang2 dlm sebulan niey… harap, takut, cinta n syukur..

Usrah 1st.. harap.. akk petik from surah maryam.. 2 m/s pertama… p’harapan n doa nabi zakaria.. dr nabi zakaria kita bljr mcmne adab2 b’doa… bg pndpt akk sndrik antara harap, takut n cinta kita kne ada prasaan harap dlu.. walau nabi zakaria rasa imposible ngan doanya utk dptkn ank.. tp dia x pernah b’henti b’hrp..
Sbgaimana kita.. walau kita rasa imposible utk msk syurga ngan keadaan skrg.. kne ttp b’hrp.. walau sbyk mn dosa yg kita lakukan.. walau sebesar mana dosa yg kita lakukan.. walau sesikit mna amal kebaikn yg kita lakukan.. the 1st step is harap… if xder hrpn then we can’t proceed.. we have not enough will to proceed.. we need to hang ourself to the highest level of hope so that if we fall we won’t fall to much iA..

Then akk tunjuk video yg Allah akn sembunyikan dosa2 kita yg org laen x nmpk.. so jgn segaja2 menampakkn dosa2 kita.. jgn sengaja m’ceritakan dosa2 kita melainkan pd org yg t’percaya n yg mmpu utk bg support n bantuan pd kita… kalo dgn b’cerita kita yakin n percaya org tu x mmpu pown nk tolong kita… Just b’cerita pd Dia k.. yg sntiasa m’dgr n m’beri p’tolongan..
N akk jgk tnjk video doa rasulullah yg paling byk diucap sehari2.. ya muqallibalqulub.. tsabbitqulubana aladinnik.. alatoattiq..

Ya Allah yg m’bolak balikkn hati.. ttpknlh hati kami dlm agama niey n dlm ketaatn..

So at least dlm usrah pertama kita grab utk sntiasa amalkan doa niey iA… stiap kali lps solat iA..

Then move on to usrah kedua.. akk share surah takwir.. ttg hari kiamat, kne slalu igt mati.. kena pupuk rasa takut kpd Allah.. ssh sket sbb kita x btol2 tgk Allah lg.. x tgk syurga neraka lg.. x m’hadapi kematian lg.. tp xkan kita nk tunggu lps kita mati baru nk takut pd Allah kan?? So kne pupuk rasa tu.. semai n smoga ia b’tunas.. Allah yg akn menumbuhkan prasaan tu.. tugas kita just semai biji benih je..

Kna pupuk rasa takut supaya kita berusaha utk elakkn diri from p’buatan2 yg Allah x suka.. sbb ikowt hadis 9 dlm hadis 40 imam nawawi..  bnda yg Allah x ske tu kte mmg wajib, kne paksa diri utk tinggalkan.. no kompromi.. bnda yg baek tu.. kte kne wat semampu kita sbb Allah tau thp kemampuan kita b’beza.. ada org yg mudah hapal quran, ada org yg mudah puasa sunat, ada org yg mudah bangun tahajud, ada org yg mudah solat dhuha..

Then akk tunjuk video disasters kat dunia yg tlh m’bunuh beratus2 ribu org.. tu just kiamat kecil.. kematian kita pown kiamat kecil.. tp that’s it.. no more chances.. once Allah da cabut nyawa da xder apa yg kita bley buat da..

So point utk usrah kali niey.. sntiasa igt mati walau dlm apa perbuatan yg kte nk/sedang buat.. pikir kalo aku mati skrg Allah redha x??

Usrah ketiga… cinta.. akk share surah an-nas till al-ikhlas.. 3 qul.. walau ada yg dpt.. ada yg blum dpt.. xper.. just ringkasan.. yg penting kne tau tema stiap surah.. an-nas, halangan2 dlmn.. al-falaq, halangan2 luaran.. and al-ikhlas, keikhlasan kita dlm m’cintai Allah

Bila kita sedar yg kita ada halangan2 dlmn n luaran niey n ayt p’tama dlm 2 surah niey Allah mntk kita b’lindung pd Dia.. tu tanda cinta Allah pd kita.. Allah nk kita b’harap, meminta, menyandar, mengadu hanya pdNya.. then utk memenifestasikan cinta kita kpdNya kne slalu amalkan surah al-ikhlas.. surah yg mnyamai 1/3 quran kalo kita baca.. sebuah surah yg sgt pendek.. tp sgt besar mknenyer..

Sebagaimana seikhlas namanya.. ikhlas tu x disebut dlm mne2 ayt dlm surah niey.. sbb ikhlas tu something yg t’sembunyi dlm hati kita.. x nmpk.. hanya Allah yg tau.. kdg2 kita sndrik x brape nk yakin tahap keikhlasan kita kat mana.. kita sndrik x nmpk.. n hanya Allah yg akn nilai.. that’s why walau seseorg tu beribadah bnyak x smstinya Allah akn bg phala kat dia byk.. semuanya b’gantung pd keikhlasan dia.. mujahadah dia utk wat something tu…

Semakin bsr rasa cinta kita pd Allah… smkn besar keikhlasan yg akn t’pamer melalui amal2 kita iA.. Allah akn ringankan rasa utk b’ibadah.. Allah akn bg rasa manisnya ukhuwah, manisnya iman.. iA..

So.. harap, takut n cinta… ketiga2 sifat niey kte kne semai, pupuk n baja slalu iA… sbb rasa tu x smestinya akn kekal.. once kita da rasa manisnya iman.. don’t take it for granted.. kne trus tambahkan lg supaya rasa tu b’kekalan n semakin manis iA.. dgn adanya ketiga2 sifat niey iA iman kita akn seimbang.. bila kita cinta pd Allah kita akn berusah tmbh amal kebajikan.. bila kita takut pd Allah kita akn berusaha tinggalkan sgala maksiat, bila kita b’harap pd Allah kita x kan putus harapan ngan dosa2 yg t’lalu byk, x kan putus hrpn utk tambahkan ibdh as kita rasa kita x mmpu.. bila ada hrpn n phm yg Allah x tgk kuantiti ibadah but most importantly kualiti, kita kn trus b’harap… iA once kte take this small step.. Allah akn bantu the rest of the step iA <3

Then akk tunjuk video kalo kita baca ayt kursi setiap hari, setiap kali solat xder apa yg akn m’halang syurga dari kita melainkan kematian… kalo sblm niey akk ckp kne takut kalo kita x b’sedia utk mati.. tp kali niey just kematian tu yg jadik p’halang msk syurga.. betapa besarnya cinta Allah pd kita.. besarnya keinginan Allah utk kita msk syurgaNya.. so apa alasan kita utk x cinta pd Dia?

So something to grab mgg niey kne amalkan ayat qursi stiap kali lps solat.. kalo x ley solat stiap kali dgr azan.. cuba selami mkna ayt niey n pasakkn dlm hati keyakinan bila kita b’doa.. yakin dgn apa yg kita baca.. yakin dgn kebesaran n kekuasaan Allah iA <3   

Usrah kita mnggu lps.. akk kongsikan surah an-nahl 1-14… n akk tekankn ayt 10-14.. Allah jadikkn sgalanya utk kita.. Allah jadikkn sehebat2 alam, sebesar2 alam, dlm masa yg sumpah sgt lama giler… just utk kita.. kne pikir utk diri kita yg mungkin just idop 50-60 tahun… utk kita.. so jgn b’henti b’syukur.. amalkan “Alhamdulillah” sebanyak yg mungkin setiap hari.. zikir x perlu pikir kita bley solat x.. ada wuduk x.. so by right kte bley b’zikir spnjg masa… sambil bw kreta, naek bas, odw jln kaki to car park, odw from car park to ward.. spnjg masa iA ..

Sbb Allah ckp.. b’syukurlah… Allah akn tambahkn lg nikmat.. so.. b’syukurlah terutama ngan iman n islam yg Allah da anugerahkan.. b’syukurlah… supaya Allah tambahkan lg rasa takut, cinta n harap kita iA… <3
Lastly akk tunjuk video nauman ali khan.. mcmmne dia kembali pd islam… nurun ala nurin.. cahaya diatas cahaya.. kita just perlu take one small step then Allah akn tmbhkan cahaya hidayah pd kita iA..
So utk mgg niey… amalkan “Alhamdulillah” at least 3 kali sehari setiap kali lps solat or dgr azan iA.. lg byk lg bagus… but at least…….


That’s it.. luv u all.. moga Allah redha.. ada yg x jelas bley tanya.. sumer video niey bley cek balik kat youtube.. the daily reminder.. just short n sweet video.. <3 slmt b’amal iA <3 salam syg...

Saturday, August 23, 2014

100 days journey part 3

salam..
smoga dlm redha Allah iA...

urm.. baru day 5.. tp arini so restless..
haha... naseb baek ada usrah td..
arini bincang himmah aliyah..
keinginan (yg baek) yg tinggi...

k.nasibah tadabur surah yusuff... ayt 24..
keinginan nabi yusof kpd zulaikha yg tinggi tu mampu dilawan ngan keinginan yg lebih tinggi kpd Allah..

oleh krana nabi yusof takutkan Allah...
tringatkan Allah..
n dgn sign2 yg Allah bg yusof jadik lg kuat utk lwn keinginan yg tinggi t'hadap zulaikha... (himmah daniah... keinginan yg hina.. keinginan pd dunia... it's keinginan yg tinggi jgk.. tp utk duniawi...)

sgt kena rasanya ngan keadaan diri sy skrg..
smoga himmah aliyyah sy lg tinggi dr himmah daniah iA...
smoga sy x menutupkan mata, memekakkan telinga n mengunci hati dr sign2 yg Allah bg..

dari kata2 yg ingin Allah smpaikan melalui k.nasibah, akhawat, timeline fb..
ngan pristiwa2 kematian, kecelakaan yg b'laku dsekeliling sy..
n ngan ayt2 quran yg sy tadabur....

prasan yg Allah sntiasa menegur.. ngan kejut kan sy lewat subuh,
ngan dpt mrkh2 yg rendah dlm case write up, case presentation..
tp Alhamdulillah Allah masih x uji ngan fail..

tu pown da sgt bersyukur n t'pikir adakah sgala amalan baek sy slama niey Allah nak balas direct..
Allah da x nak bg balasan kat akhirat?
stiap kali dikabulkan p'mintaan sgt2 takowt jgk sbnrnyer kalo2 niey adalah balasan dr Allah..
i mean.. walau kebaikan yg sy wat x lah sbsr mna.. tp of coz kita sntiasa m'harap balasan sebanyak2nya kan..
n Allah janjikan ngan nikmat2 yg agung, besar, x t'bayang...
tetiba kalo Allah just nak balas kat dunia yg smntara niey je... urm... sedih gak r sbnrnyer...

k.. that's all..
keep praying for me...
stiap kali solat pown time sujud t'akhir mesti mntk kat Allah agr dpt m'jalani 100 hari niey ngan baek, cmerlang n capai hadaf...
iA cuba b'tahan walau mmg ssh n menyakitkan...
coz it's always in my mind..
i just can't stop it..

so.. kne pikir about something else..
haha.. ssh prempuan niey..
x der 1 saat pown otak dia x pikir apa2...
time wat satu kerja pown bley pikir 5,6 benda laen..

k...
smoga Allah redha..
n smoga Allah bg kekuatan...
Allahu qawiy...
Dia yg Maha kuat n sgala kekuatan dtg dariNya iA...
salam...

Friday, August 22, 2014

100 days journey part 2

salam...
smoga smua dlm redha Allah iA <3

alhamdulillah sgt ramai yg m'doakan.. ada yg pm, ada yg call, ada yg dtg dari sg buloh ke slyg mlm2 pkol 11.. haha.. jzkk uolls..

urm... alhamdulillah masih mampu b'tahan.. walau prasaan tu dtg sntiasa ... tp setakat niey dpt lawan ngan zikir2 n hafalan ayt2 quran... urm.. mcm psychiatric disorder pown ada... haha... mmg kt smua ada mslh gangguan mental.. cuma severity dia b'gantung kpd coping skills kita... slagi kt mampu cope ngan apa2 mslh iA x separah org2 yg kat ward tu iA... n about 20% of children n adolescence ada mslh niey.. urm.. tp kita da late adolescence erp? x.. mungkin da masuk golongan belia..huhu..

urm... iA skrg sdg b'busykan diri ngan hapal ayt2 yg naqibah sruh, bc quran, bc buku...

today day 4 iA.. huhu.. urm.. sgt ssh lwn kehendak diri AKA hawa nafsu.. n bila hawa nafsu jadik tuhan makanya kt da x nmpk Allah as illah.. just satu2nya yg paling kita syg, cinta, sanggup b'buat apa saja..

bila nafsu jadik illah kita da x nmpk kengerian neraka, indahnya syurga, menakutkannya ancaman Allah...

mgkin sbb da lama x usrah jgk.. time ramadhan ada skali je usrah sy n skali usrah ank2... then cuti raya, cuti sakit, n ank2 lama giler cuti..huhu.. so rasa cam kosong, x der kerja.. tu yg duk t'pikir2 n tenaga kita abes kat benda yg x spatutnya... da x yah pikir bahan usrah, x yah pikir mslh ank2, x yah pikir next program...

mmg bila masa yg ada x berisi ngan benda yg b'manfaat kt akn bazirkan ngan bnda yg ntah apa2..

in this 100 days journey smoga sy bkn saja mengubah satu perkara niey.. tp iA sy percaya bila mana sy b'jaya m'busykan diri ngan Allah sy akn dpt capai lebih byk hafalan quran n hadis, bacaan quran, mathurat mungkin bley naek level qubra.. n x lupa jgk study sy makin improve iA...

kt ada byk sgt masa.. trutama as student.. tp kt slalu bazirkan n rasa masih muda... masih byk masa..

iA yuk sama2 kita berubah kearah yg lebih baek.. walau bkn 200% mungkin 100%.. haha.. x paham matematik nieh...

k.. smoga Allah redha..
salam...